I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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