So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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