great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
