I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
