Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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