The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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