she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
