if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
