I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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