she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
