My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
