hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
