that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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