Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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