in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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