I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
