he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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