Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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