So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
