Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
