Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
