I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ttyl tear gas
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
