Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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