I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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