I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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