We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
