i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
