I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
