Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
