Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
