I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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