So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
