I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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