I just pynch a tree in the face
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
