weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
