when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
