he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
