Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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