Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
