Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Shame - the story of my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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