i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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