masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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