I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
