I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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