I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
