we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
