I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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