Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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