I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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