Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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