I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
