We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
