Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
