just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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