please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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