So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
