am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
