Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
