Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
